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What happened? He tasered himself in the balls. The taser he stuffed into his pants accidentally discharged into his groin while he was trying to steal a portrait of Tipper Gore, causing him to suffer a fatal heart attack. Heck of an obituary. 2 weeks ago, he was acting tough on social media ... my vote for this year’s Darwin Award!✧ ✧ ✧GOOGLE Pizza (phone order conversation)Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?No sir – it’s Google Pizza.I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.OK. I would like to order a pizza.Do you want your usual, sir?My usual – you know me?According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage – pepperoni – mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.OK – that’s what I want.May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula – sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?What? I detest vegetables!Your. First came Caitie Fitzpatrick on her father’s arm. Then Little Bit with Brad Kramer, followed by Ann with Bill Christian. Finally, it was sister Diane accompanied by Dad. Never have I seen a girl look as gorgeous as Diane did that day. In light of the torture she had undergone it was only right.The Cardinal began the celebration of the Nuptial Mass. It proceeded in a more or less normal fashion — normal that is, except for the invisible choir — until the Alleluia. Instead of the normal verse, we heard the most magnificent rendition ever heard of The Alleluia Chorus from Handel’s “Messiah”. (Later we learned that the chorus was under the personal direction of the arranger of the most popular version, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart himself.) The cathedral rocked, and I later learned that it could be heard almost a mile away.The Mass proceeded until it was time for the marriages themselves. Then things changed ... dramatically! Rather than the Cardinal going to the couples, he took a seat on.
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